I’m not so sure life “works” most of the time. I think it’s a very complicated machine that was created so long ago the designer is long since deceased and with him we accidentally cremated the handbook. The spokes and spindles are always choking up and we best bandaid the problem with duct tape and a black sharpie. The breakdown process, however, is what defines those trying to fix it, or those who pretend they didn’t see anything and wait with idle hands for someone else to untangle the mess.
I get up in the morning because I want to live. I want to continually fix this proverbial machine and then watch it break again. I think I, as most people probably are, have been living in a hand puppet play where general society pulls the strings. I just recently (this year) figured out where the scissors were and cut the damn things off. I finally decided to quit waiting and start acting. So that’s what I’m doing. Every day is one day closer to me getting to where I want to go, even though I’m still not quite sure where said destination really is. I think the fun in life is not knowing, taking chances, experiencing new things, falling down, getting back up. I feel somewhat isolated in this opinion sometimes as I don’t feel most people share this point of view. I’ve never been one to follow the crowd however, so they can continue to dangle like Pinocchio.
It’s hard not falling into routines. Every day I get up, feed my pesky cats, take a shower, go to work, come home for lunch, back to work, then the gym, then I eat, read a book, go to bed. Then people I work with find it odd that I run off to Eureka Springs by myself just to go. I’ll have them also know I ate pizza for breakfast and chocolate pie for lunch just for the hell of it! I hate doing the same endless work every day so I’m trying to get away from that. If I can ever manage to relinquish this overbearing self-control I endlessly maintain I’ll just start “going” for awhile until I feel like it’s time to stop. Of course that’s so much easier to say rather than do.
I think most do what they believe they are supposed to do: go to college, marry, start a family, paint the picket fence white, work in a successful company, retire at 70, move to Florida for 5 years, then die. It just seems so dull. I guess to each his own, and all cookies aren’t cut the same way, but I feel like I’m meant for more than these things. Maybe not “more” as in “better” but “different.”
I want to take in everything life has to offer. I don’t want to have to stop and smell the roses, I want to be holding a bunch that I already picked. I enjoy the little things; that’s why I get up every morning.
Copyright 2009 Amber Herrington. All rights reserved.