I have a white eyelash…

What the crap man!?!?!  I’m 26, not 62.  For some reason I had hoped to age gracefully, perhaps like Audrey Hepburn (sans the smoking), but I’m getting warning signs that aren’t so much in my favor.  Like the white hair (that’s right, white, not gray) I found on my 26th birthday, and the smile lines [...]

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Being Fat is Not a Handicap

Just because you’re 5’2″ and weigh 300 lbs does not mean you are entitled to sit in the priority seating area on the bus; that section is for elderly and disabled citizens.  Being lazy and lacking self control does not afford you special privileges.  Good god people.  Lower the fork, get off the couch, and [...]

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totally. not. fun.

Note to self: Self, do not go buy groceries on a Saturday.  Especially do not go buy groceries on a Saturday when that Saturday happens to fall before a holiday.  At best your trip will consist of an angry, over weight, unhappily married, soccer mom driving an ugly sand colored mini-van blaring her horn at [...]

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Do what you say

If you tell somebody you’re mailing them something (and refuse to drop even the slightest hint as to what it is that you’re mailing) actually mail the damn thing!  23 days later and an uber important mystery package hasn’t arrived…. 24 days… 33 days….  Guess whatever the hell it was/ is isn’t that pressing.

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